Work grievances – the consequence of unaddressed trauma
Work is the main vehicle to prove your ability, to feel relevant and connected. But your career is not who you are!
There are many ways that issues show up in the workplace to trigger grievances.
Some cases of grievance have nothing to do with the performance of the individual and more to do with the culture of the environment, or the habit of turning a blind eye.
Dysfunctional culture is one of the main causes of permitted detrimental interactions.
On rare occasions it is the clash of titanic personalities raising the red mist of hostility that spills over into the workplace.
No matter what your experience is, whether as a witness of horrifying behaviour, or as the target, your career should be seen as a means of expressing your talents and gifts.
It is the expectation an individual feels about the way they should be treated that creates the sense of hurt.
Truthfully, the greatest pain shows up when the feelings and expectations of people’s attitude and behaviour towards you does not correlate to how you feel.
Discrimination – It never says out loud that I am here!
Being a professional is a career choice, but it is not your identity! When you get it that your profession is not who you are, you can minimise the impact of verbal assaults.
Discrimination does not say what it is out loud
Individuals get stressed out and stretched to their limits where racial and gender issues show up because of their sinister and menacing nature.
Discrimination can and does threaten self-identity because it singles you out for something that is an essential part of you.
Those issues that cause the hurt get triggered into grievances. So, because of the intimidating experience it finally morphs into discrimination.
Note this the great distress is to assist you to learn the lessons for life and fight for your identity!
Victimisation
Some individuals who have being through childhood trauma struggle with asserting themselves. They struggle with their sense of belonging or purpose. So, how do we avoid becoming a victim when everything in the past has taught us to fear.
Now, an individual can struggle to express themselves because of this nonentity persona and so appear introverted.
Isolation will force introverts to the side-lines and this makes them an easy target for the bully to target through cruel and unjust treatments.
However, when such victims learn to take their minds off themselves and focus on others the target shifts and the bully becomes ineffective.
Bullies thrive on fear! When you are not concerned about your feelings, you cannot be hurt.
Harassment
Skewed thinking and low self-esteem will influence body language and vulnerabilities.
It is through body language that screams neediness that bullies, and narcissist can target their victims, because they expose increasing feelings of insignificance, and intimidation.
This intimidation pushes a person into a position of powerlessness, causing them to be backed into a corner of compromise, chaos and confusion.
When you are feeling harassed realise that this is about creating chaos in your thinking so that you do not recognise what is going on.
Napoleon Hill, Dale Carnegie, Steve Covey, Les Brown and Zig Ziglar are all renowned for their unshakable principles for success. These are principles that everyone should be using.
For decades these transformation leaders used biblical relationship systems to swiftly move prospects to their preferred outcome. Perhaps you may want to consider using these principles.
So, stop wearing yourself out working so hard to suppress those strong draining, destructive emotions. Is it possible for you to be healthier and more decisive?
Can you imagine what it would feel like to have people ask for your secrets to the confident you?
Seeking a solution?
So now, your main concern is that someone recognises the pain you are going through.
You keep looking for someone who can put into words and sum it up before you start?
I know that you have spent a lot of time searching for ways to transform your life. What have you found to ease your pain?
Your commitment to invest time to work on yourself is not an issue for you, as you just want a solution that can get you to where you want to be.
I want to be myself, but everyone tries to tell me who they think I should be
And so, you have continued to search hoping one day that you will find answers. Perhaps there may not be a solution!
When you look at the counselling or coaching you have found they have been so sameish that you are now in a state of despair.
Escaping the expectation of others I want to be myself, but everyone tries to tell me who they think I should be.
When you are ready, I am offering a system that will help you to: –
Find ways to put into words the pain that you are facing
To finally understand what pushes you into a crisis
Understand and acknowledge the extent to which your triggers are impacting your life
Understand the link between lost confidence and your sleep pattern, headaches and fatigue
Commit to the work of walking through the issues and letting go of the pain
Create a workable action plan towards your goals
Learn how attachment to past pain prevents social engagement in tense situations
Transform your pain and pessimistic thoughts into a dynamic flow of creative energy
What if there was a way to develop the type confidence needed to be a decisive leader? What would you do if you could use all of your existing pessimistic self-talk that constantly challenges your authority? Ok, you’ve heard this before, but how do you find out what would really get you to that massive breakthrough?
How would you know what offering would develop the skill you need to be that success leader? Who can you trust to turn around your mess into a message, turn it from running the internal sabotaging conversation to use the question ‘am I entitled to do this?’ to your advantage? If you can’t wait any longer in your current state then ask yourself, ‘is it worth my time to Get your ‘Hidden Confidence Code’ session?
How would it be if you could have clarity about questions that continues such as: ‘How do I get over my past?’ ‘I feel stupid!’ ‘What does it mean to be confident?’ ‘Why do I have this feeling all the time?’ ‘I have no self-esteem?’ ‘What is the point of trying when all I feel is anxiety, worry, panic or procrastination?’ ‘How can I stop feeling like a no-body?’ ‘Where can I find support to fill my knowledge gap?’
Barriers to strong confidence
As a woman of faith, identifying the barriers to your success is one of the biggest challenges to restoring your self-esteem. So where do you start?
When you are the one that everyone turns to solve their problems, when you are the one who takes the lead in an emergency or, who executes a plan when action is needed, the question of building self-esteem becomes more urgent. Perhaps you are the one who they all turn to when the impossible needs to be resolved! But you have a secret that steals your strength!
Leadership is easy when you feel confident and competent, but not everyone who becomes a leader gets there with all the necessary training intact.
You may have gained your skills because of necessity, and so jumping in to fill the gap has been a life-long habit. Most of the time you work from the back were no one can see you, however, you cannot remain hidden for long. Inevitably you end up stepping up to be the one who carries the responsibility and that fills you with fear, and it scars you, but why?
How does fear affect success?
When you first move into leadership, or an influential role there are some significant questions that arise. These questions create problems for those who have mainly experienced sever uncertainty and insecurity, but this creates unseen limitations. And, when limitations have formed the greater part of your experience, and are fed by a lack of confidence, your ability to be successful is sabotaged.
What is the route cause of this sabotage? Well, there are other unrealised questions that are only felt as fear. This question, which should lead to self-enquiry to produce confirming evidence, does not emerge. Instead this one leads to circular reasoning and further sabotaging self-talk. This self-talk breaks down self esteem, creates fear, instils a lack of confidence and reduces success?
‘What makes me think I can do this?’
Confidence is not just a smile on the outside, but a mind for success!
When fears moves through unheard questions, out of control, unfocused thinking brings more outrageous questions to produce unfounded statements which worsen that feeling of inadequacy. Such questions are as follows:
‘Everything feels so hopeless, how do I stop procrastinating!
‘How can I stop feeling like a no-body?’
‘I feel stupid!’
‘What is the point of trying when all I feel is anxiety, worry, panic?’
‘Why am I always so frightened, I have no self-esteem!’
‘What does it even mean to be confident?’
I know that this is not what you want to feel about yourself, but you are afraid to face those questions in case they are speaking the truth! This is how you begin to create your own glass ceilings, and its all because you have never known the truth of who you are! This is where you begin to tell yourself that you will never get that breakthrough, that you will never succeed. And worse, you have begun to believe the lie!
You know that it is important to change now because the challenge of shifting, the destructive thinking, and its long-term expression has negatively affected self-esteem.
Barriers that emerge out of misery!
That feeling of hopelessness that is the constant thought, ‘I can’t do this without someone telling what to do!’ ‘I’m not good enough!’ and ‘nobody cares!’ grows to become a barrier.
Unable to start results in procrastination borne out of homelessness.
However, despite the bundle of delusional thoughts you carry inside there is still a desire to push forward. Occasionally you will make deliberate efforts to push yourself to a feeling of relaxation rather than holding that anxious tension, but your efforts do not change things, the delusions still mount into balls of pain in your back, or head, arms, or legs.
Did you know that the way fear affects your success is through these delusional overwhelming thoughts that you hang on, saying things like, ‘I don’t matter!’ These need to stop! These thoughts are not supporting your intentions to become a more confident leader or influencer! These thoughts merely couple you to feelings that make life seem unfair and unjust.
Other barrier that increase the hurdles to success can lead to the dismantling of your faith. So, at what point do you face the fact that you are falling apart and will fall apart if you do nothing? You are supposed to be a woman of faith, you are meant to be that one who rises above the mountains of your pain! Why is then that this faith is not working to remove the pain, or increase your confidence?
When your feelings are given preference without thought to the mood they create, your behaviour will lead to unrestrained chaos. In chaos you will run away from facing the issues that seem determined to consume you.
Taking responsibility is scary, but running from it it will affect your confidence and scare you even more to destroy your weakened ambition. So, work with me to uncover a few things about these barriers. Let us explore together why fear creates a lack of confidence and affects your success?
How does lack of confidence affect you?
The result of chaos is to reinforce the feeling of failure. Failure then triggers uncertainty, fear of the future and hesitation. Uncertainty instigates insecurity leading to procrastination. Eventually the combination of these emotions produces more emotional pain that in the long run causes loss of control. Your health has becomes compromised!
Now if you are in leadership the initial question ‘how can I be a good leader and manager?’ is the one that challenges any remnant of your self esteem. With this question pounding in your mind you will feel your control ebbing, panic arising and anxiety leaving you displaced.
Whether leading in the workplace, operating as a volunteer, or as an influencer in an informal group, when the internal battle arises a lack of knowledge encourages feelings of guilt, shame, or fault.
The reason you cannot see the cause of your pain will be intrinsic to each individual’s earlier trauma. But, why? Unchecked feeling of powerlessness will cause anyone to isolate through fear and anxiety that is exaggerated beyond your threshold.
Feelings of inadequate, and its long-term expression will negatively affected your self-esteem. You know that it is important to change because the imminent crash and burn looms on the horizon.
Do you know experiences that cause you to struggle with the desire to build confidence comes down to the need for change, but instead because of fear it leads to denial? So, is your resistance destroying your future? That resistance can and will trigger behaviour that attracts experiences of harassment, discrimination, or victimisation.
Feeling the pain of your past very soon leads to burn-out, and that alone should be your signal to find help. If you do not act to clean up your pain your success will evade you!
How to fix a lack of confidence?
Think about it, if you cannot work things out on your own. Are you like most people who ask for opinions from people who are in the same mess how to fix your confidence? You see most people do not like uncertainty, so what do you do? What do you do then, do you avoid taking decisive action?
The pain of fear and the problem that a lack of confidence causes is now clearly known. So when you say, how do I fix my lack of confidence, you are generally saying, ‘how can I be bolder?’ ‘How can I feel more courageous?’ or ‘How do I get past my fear to release my confidence?’ ‘What does confidence even feel like?’
What are the benefits of coaching for confidence?
One of the big benefits to addressing the issue of rebuilding confidence is relief from the struggles you face in relationships. Did you know that research shows that 80% of people who are coached improve their self-confidence! But did you know that is only 5% of the population? Where do you stand? Other benefits also include; reduced struggle to control your finances, while any tasks or projects you plan are executed with confidence. But again, this is only a minority of the population.
The big bonus to fixing a lack of confidence is that your personal or company profile is restored. Your confidence allows you to be seen as a trusted source or resource. Ultimately you move towards success where you can begin to identify and overcome the barriers to your progress and performance.
Confidence can be genuinely improved without using fakery, or mimicry that will leak your secret anxiety. Confidence can chuck the ‘fake it till you make it’ strain.
The truth is, confidence must come from action lead by your faith, and coupled with the lesson hidden in your pain or childhood trauma you become a force to be reckoned with. Coaching helps you to stop the recycling of those triggers that are coded into your stress responses.
Can you imagine what it would feel like to be confident. What would it be like to not panic but be that inner peace? How would it be to feel your courage arising at your command? The question is how willing are you to do the work to develop this skill? Imagine what it would feel like to have people ask for your secrets, or to reveal the mystery to the confident, healthier, and more decisive you.
Let me state here that this is possible! There is hope to change the quality of your life without having to fake it! Being coached with me will allow us to decode the pain that prevents your growth.
We work together to get a crystal clear vision of the confident leader you want to be and restore the self-esteem that has been missing in your life.
Uncover the hidden challenges that are sabotaging your efforts to breaking through your emotional pain and the glass ceiling to your success.
At the end of this call you will leave the session energised, inspired and finally begin to work in your true excellence free from the fear that has stopped you from drawing on the code for success hidden in your emotions
Scheduling time for yourself is the best investment to make
Once you submit your request a schedule will be on its way to your inbox to select a date. You are now on your journey to the new you.
As a person in a leadership role you may be carrying unresolved trauma asking; ‘How can I escape the pain from my past hurt, escape past trauma, how can I find happiness?’ But, why are they asking this question? It is because of the handicap that trauma creates. Let us walk through this together.
Have you ever got to the point where the pain of past trauma just overwhelmed you? Or you felt was the silent scream wringing the tears from your heart? Worse you felt so paralysed from the agony caused by the trauma. All you can do right now is wish for someone to recognise what you are going through. To often you find yourself asking, ‘Why me?’
I want to scream! I want to escape my past!
How the past affects your present
For you the issue is how to get out of this state of constant anguish, but this barrier presupposes that breaking free of anxiety is beyond your control. The happiness you see others experiencing is a dream, but never an option. You know beyond all doubt that you would never be able to smile or experience the life you see them enjoying. So you constantly ask, ‘do they know something that I don’t know?‘
At work people have an expectation of you because they see a strong person who appears emotionally undisturbed. What they don’t know is how practiced you are at wearing the mask of resilience. Why can’t they appreciate that your perfectionism is the best tool you have for coping?
What can you lose if you don’t escape?
But you know the truth! You want people to understand how much you hurt. However, for people to understand your pain they would have to get close, that means exposure. You have a strong belief that your power base would crumble if people saw how raw and frayed you feel. How could anyone hold you in high regard if your vulnerabilities were exposed, where would you be?
Close friends are not an option for you. When you remember the pain from betrayal, you know that arms length is the best position for relationships. When it comes to controlling the way life impacts you hold the reins. Managing the livelihood of others give you an authority to makes or breaks your control of life. So, you keep a constant eye on the pain and suffering that you have gone through. You have rules to cut out rejection and the game-plan allows you to prevent betrayal.
I want friends but they only betray you! My rules, my game-plan cut out the pain of betrayal.
But, what you didn’t know was how you keep on attracting more pain. You didn’t know that where the heart goes, the focus follows. You didn’t know that your focus coupled with your strong emotions built up your belief that life is unjust, and that it reinforced the habit of a victim thus attracting more pain.
But why would the need to protect yourself bring more pain? It just doesn’t make sense!
How did you get here with all of this pain?
‘The fervent prayer of a man’, usually that would be a righteous man, but any strongly held emotion will act as the fuel to bring the next experience or event into reality. Here’s a truth that many have not yet recognised. What ever you focus on, or what your heart can conceive, and you believe, and you only believe what fits your world view, then you will give birth to that thing.
You create your life experiences! No, you say, I have being trying to escape the trauma and hurt that has blocked my happiness, but I just seem to be a target for more pain. I feel like I have a sign on my forehead, so the next person who hurts me is going to get it back.
So you want revenge! Then what happens is an experience occurs for your to work through the offence, but you do not recognise it. The one who originally hurt you, the one you want revenge on is not the one now offending you. So, you ignore it and swallow the hurt, but the desire for revenge remains. What happens next? Well, life gives you another chance to work through the experience to resolve the need for vengeance.
What leaks out as a result of carrying the truama!
Understand this, particularly if you lead or influence others. People around you may not read the reason for your behaviour accurately, but they will ready your emotional responses as undesirable and consequently reject you. People read behaviour according to their emotional responses or social desires.
Individuals around you will interpret your behaviour as negative or that of a looser. Now they may only see the perfectionist because they will believe they can never measure up to you. Indeed, what they will not do is say, ‘I look up to that person, I want to be like them!’ They will not say, ‘I want to be mentored by them, they make a great role model!’ ‘This person is like me!’ or ‘we have a lot in common!’
However, when you understand that the emotional seed you sow is the harvest of experience that you will reap you will begin to check your stores for healthy seeds. Emotional growth will occur and you will begin to understand how to escape the pain that creates constant emotional turmoil. You begin to make the changes from trauma to find happiness in a way that makes life comfortable.
To escape past trauma and find happiness takes work, sometimes you cannot do it alone. When you work with a coach who can help you achieve clarity, the pain may become prominent for a while, but when dissolved it brings great breakthrough. Why not begin the work to break through the barriers that have held you back and escape for good? Read more on the impact on leadership in this post, ‘ Can trauma in childhood affect our success?‘
We will work together to get a crystal clear vision of the pain that you need to escape. Past trauma you need to squash to find happiness and take the lessons from to gain massive breakthrough so that you can move forward in life.
A critical friend is always there for you. We work together so you can get clarity and a future life of happiness