Welcome the super hero?

When we see leaders, we all expect them to be super heroes, but why?

Aren’t leaders mere humans just like us?

So why do we put this heavy expectation of perfection on ourselves when we achieve such illustrious positions.

When we can identify what is broken, we can move forward — What secrets are we burying that keeps us tripping over ourselves when we are in leadership?

The truth is that we are all judgemental, we impose the idea of power and flawless decision making on others. Do we do it because it is a relief to know that someone else can take the strain of responsibility? Do we do it to absolve ourselves from effort, for facing failure, or worse the emotions of shame and guilt.

So, if we want to be free from the strain of making the choices, why do we then pursue the posts or titles for leadership? Nevertheless we rush headlong into the promise of reward. We forget the expectations previously placed on those who had gone before us as we seek the hoped for recognition of our worth.

Well, I think that I have worked it out. We think the higher positions will give us honour, admiration and respect! This belief is fed by fear and thought that this is how we will be free. So, as we search for meaning desperate for the greeting of the promised thrill of recognition we end up holding on to tight.

Resisting the urge not to respond to the immediate shocked response when things do not pan out we run for cover. The truth is we need to face the discomfort of having to perform the miracles of getting each decision right contaminates our well-being with concern and anxiety.

Masking the cracks

Leadership can be challenging when we don't feel prepared — Leadership can be lonely, but when we keep using ‘should’ and ‘ought’ it gets lonelier!

Rather than admit that we are the same flawed characters who judged others with ‘should’ and ‘ought’ we keep try harder to maintain the pretence. If every attempt we make increases the pressure then surely we should notice that it is making life harder. Hiding the strain of avoiding the urge to vent only creates more pressure.

As the leader your efforts end up looking like micro management, but each cosmetic application causes the cracks to grow deeper. Working to avoid the exposure puts us in the default position of procrastinate to avoid the shame of breaking down.

Driven by the fear of exposure our caution levels automatically shift into overdrive. At this point we put on the cap of the hero leader. But we then assume the worse and bring about our own demise through self-imposed penalties.

This level of hyper awareness cause us to judge other, both those above us and those subordinate. This judgement is framed by our perspective and not the actual reality of life. But were you aware that these judgements are always harsher than anything anyone else would naturally apply.

Can a leader cover up their flaws

The longer we avoid admitting to ourselves that we have flaws, the worse the situation becomes for our health. The truth is this, the more tenuous our decision making the worse our performance.

Life becomes harder when we avoid our flaws rather than addressing the course of our problem. We think super heroes don’t have flaws. At this point we have grown blind spots. However, when we are ready for change we can shift into high performance leadership.

Admitting that we are flawed, that we have not matured enough because we invest our time in running for cover. The best way to avoid the cover-up and permanently fill or bridge the gaps. To make this change we will need to access guidance from an external source.

Get your ‘Hidden Confidence Code’ session by following this link

How can I escape the pain from my past hurt?

As a person in a leadership role you may be carrying unresolved trauma asking; ‘How can I escape the pain from my past hurt, escape past trauma, how can I find happiness?’ But, why are they asking this question? It is because of the handicap that trauma creates. Let us walk through this together.

Have you ever got to the point where the pain of past trauma just overwhelmed you? Or you felt was the silent scream wringing the tears from your heart? Worse you felt so paralysed from the agony caused by the trauma. All you can do right now is wish for someone to recognise what you are going through. To often you find yourself asking, ‘Why me?’

Silent tears wringing the tears of overwhelm — I want to scream! I want to escape my past!

How the past affects your present

For you the issue is how to get out of this state of constant anguish, but this barrier presupposes that breaking free of anxiety is beyond your control. The happiness you see others experiencing is a dream, but never an option. You know beyond all doubt that you would never be able to smile or experience the life you see them enjoying. So you constantly ask, ‘do they know something that I don’t know?‘

At work people have an expectation of you because they see a strong person who appears emotionally undisturbed. What they don’t know is how practiced you are at wearing the mask of resilience. Why can’t they appreciate that your perfectionism is the best tool you have for coping?

What can you lose if you don’t escape?

But you know the truth! You want people to understand how much you hurt. However, for people to understand your pain they would have to get close, that means exposure. You have a strong belief that your power base would crumble if people saw how raw and frayed you feel. How could anyone hold you in high regard if your vulnerabilities were exposed, where would you be?

Close friends are not an option for you. When you remember the pain from betrayal, you know that arms length is the best position for relationships. When it comes to controlling the way life impacts you hold the reins. Managing the livelihood of others give you an authority to makes or breaks your control of life. So, you keep a constant eye on the pain and suffering that you have gone through. You have rules to cut out rejection and the game-plan allows you to prevent betrayal.

The affects of past hurts prevent escape in the present — I want friends but they only betray you! My rules, my game-plan cut out the pain of betrayal.

But, what you didn’t know was how you keep on attracting more pain. You didn’t know that where the heart goes, the focus follows. You didn’t know that your focus coupled with your strong emotions built up your belief that life is unjust, and that it reinforced the habit of a victim thus attracting more pain.

But why would the need to protect yourself bring more pain? It just doesn’t make sense!

How did you get here with all of this pain?

‘The fervent prayer of a man’, usually that would be a righteous man, but any strongly held emotion will act as the fuel to bring the next experience or event into reality. Here’s a truth that many have not yet recognised. What ever you focus on, or what your heart can conceive, and you believe, and you only believe what fits your world view, then you will give birth to that thing.

You create your life experiences! No, you say, I have being trying to escape the trauma and hurt that has blocked my happiness, but I just seem to be a target for more pain. I feel like I have a sign on my forehead, so the next person who hurts me is going to get it back.

So you want revenge! Then what happens is an experience occurs for your to work through the offence, but you do not recognise it. The one who originally hurt you, the one you want revenge on is not the one now offending you. So, you ignore it and swallow the hurt, but the desire for revenge remains. What happens next? Well, life gives you another chance to work through the experience to resolve the need for vengeance.

What leaks out as a result of carrying the truama!

Understand this, particularly if you lead or influence others. People around you may not read the reason for your behaviour accurately, but they will ready your emotional responses as undesirable and consequently reject you. People read behaviour according to their emotional responses or social desires.

Individuals around you will interpret your behaviour as negative or that of a looser. Now they may only see the perfectionist because they will believe they can never measure up to you. Indeed, what they will not do is say, ‘I look up to that person, I want to be like them!’ They will not say, ‘I want to be mentored by them, they make a great role model!’ ‘This person is like me!’ or ‘we have a lot in common!’

However, when you understand that the emotional seed you sow is the harvest of experience that you will reap you will begin to check your stores for healthy seeds. Emotional growth will occur and you will begin to understand how to escape the pain that creates constant emotional turmoil. You begin to make the changes from trauma to find happiness in a way that makes life comfortable.

To escape past trauma and find happiness takes work, sometimes you cannot do it alone. When you work with a coach who can help you achieve clarity, the pain may become prominent for a while, but when dissolved it brings great breakthrough. Why not begin the work to break through the barriers that have held you back and escape for good? Read more on the impact on leadership in this post, ‘ Can trauma in childhood affect our success?‘

Get your ‘Hidden Confidence Code’ session by following this link

We will work together to get a crystal clear vision of the pain that you need to escape. Past trauma you need to squash to find happiness and take the lessons from to gain massive breakthrough so that you can move forward in life.

Support to escape past trauma — A critical friend is always there for you. We work together so you can get clarity and a future life of happiness

Category: trauma

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