Work grievances – the consequence of unaddressed trauma
Work is the main vehicle to prove your ability, to feel relevant and connected. But your career is not who you are!
There are many ways that issues show up in the workplace to trigger grievances.
Some cases of grievance have nothing to do with the performance of the individual and more to do with the culture of the environment, or the habit of turning a blind eye.
Dysfunctional culture is one of the main causes of permitted detrimental interactions.
On rare occasions it is the clash of titanic personalities raising the red mist of hostility that spills over into the workplace.
No matter what your experience is, whether as a witness of horrifying behaviour, or as the target, your career should be seen as a means of expressing your talents and gifts.
It is the expectation an individual feels about the way they should be treated that creates the sense of hurt.
Truthfully, the greatest pain shows up when the feelings and expectations of people’s attitude and behaviour towards you does not correlate to how you feel.
Discrimination – It never says out loud that I am here!
Being a professional is a career choice, but it is not your identity! When you get it that your profession is not who you are, you can minimise the impact of verbal assaults.
Discrimination does not say what it is out loud
Individuals get stressed out and stretched to their limits where racial and gender issues show up because of their sinister and menacing nature.
Discrimination can and does threaten self-identity because it singles you out for something that is an essential part of you.
Those issues that cause the hurt get triggered into grievances. So, because of the intimidating experience it finally morphs into discrimination.
Note this the great distress is to assist you to learn the lessons for life and fight for your identity!
Victimisation
Some individuals who have being through childhood trauma struggle with asserting themselves. They struggle with their sense of belonging or purpose. So, how do we avoid becoming a victim when everything in the past has taught us to fear.
Now, an individual can struggle to express themselves because of this nonentity persona and so appear introverted.
Isolation will force introverts to the side-lines and this makes them an easy target for the bully to target through cruel and unjust treatments.
However, when such victims learn to take their minds off themselves and focus on others the target shifts and the bully becomes ineffective.
Bullies thrive on fear! When you are not concerned about your feelings, you cannot be hurt.
Harassment
Skewed thinking and low self-esteem will influence body language and vulnerabilities.
It is through body language that screams neediness that bullies, and narcissist can target their victims, because they expose increasing feelings of insignificance, and intimidation.
This intimidation pushes a person into a position of powerlessness, causing them to be backed into a corner of compromise, chaos and confusion.
When you are feeling harassed realise that this is about creating chaos in your thinking so that you do not recognise what is going on.
Napoleon Hill, Dale Carnegie, Steve Covey, Les Brown and Zig Ziglar are all renowned for their unshakable principles for success. These are principles that everyone should be using.
For decades these transformation leaders used biblical relationship systems to swiftly move prospects to their preferred outcome. Perhaps you may want to consider using these principles.
So, stop wearing yourself out working so hard to suppress those strong draining, destructive emotions. Is it possible for you to be healthier and more decisive?
Can you imagine what it would feel like to have people ask for your secrets to the confident you?
Seeking a solution?
So now, your main concern is that someone recognises the pain you are going through.
You keep looking for someone who can put into words and sum it up before you start?
I know that you have spent a lot of time searching for ways to transform your life. What have you found to ease your pain?
Your commitment to invest time to work on yourself is not an issue for you, as you just want a solution that can get you to where you want to be.
I want to be myself, but everyone tries to tell me who they think I should be
And so, you have continued to search hoping one day that you will find answers. Perhaps there may not be a solution!
When you look at the counselling or coaching you have found they have been so sameish that you are now in a state of despair.
Escaping the expectation of others I want to be myself, but everyone tries to tell me who they think I should be.
When you are ready, I am offering a system that will help you to: –
Find ways to put into words the pain that you are facing
To finally understand what pushes you into a crisis
Understand and acknowledge the extent to which your triggers are impacting your life
Understand the link between lost confidence and your sleep pattern, headaches and fatigue
Commit to the work of walking through the issues and letting go of the pain
Create a workable action plan towards your goals
Learn how attachment to past pain prevents social engagement in tense situations
Transform your pain and pessimistic thoughts into a dynamic flow of creative energy
When we see leaders, we all expect them to be super heroes, but why?
Aren’t leaders mere humans just like us?
So why do we put this heavy expectation of perfection on ourselves when we achieve such illustrious positions.
What secrets are we burying that keeps us tripping over ourselves when we are in leadership?
The truth is that we are all judgemental, we impose the idea of power and flawless decision making on others. Do we do it because it is a relief to know that someone else can take the strain of responsibility? Do we do it to absolve ourselves from effort, for facing failure, or worse the emotions of shame and guilt.
So, if we want to be free from the strain of making the choices, why do we then pursue the posts or titles for leadership? Nevertheless we rush headlong into the promise of reward. We forget the expectations previously placed on those who had gone before us as we seek the hoped for recognition of our worth.
Well, I think that I have worked it out. We think the higher positions will give us honour, admiration and respect! This belief is fed by fear and thought that this is how we will be free. So, as we search for meaning desperate for the greeting of the promised thrill of recognition we end up holding on to tight.
Resisting the urge not to respond to the immediate shocked response when things do not pan out we run for cover. The truth is we need to face the discomfort of having to perform the miracles of getting each decision right contaminates our well-being with concern and anxiety.
Masking the cracks
Leadership can be lonely, but when we keep using ‘should’ and ‘ought’ it gets lonelier!
Rather than admit that we are the same flawed characters who judged others with ‘should’ and ‘ought’ we keep try harder to maintain the pretence. If every attempt we make increases the pressure then surely we should notice that it is making life harder. Hiding the strain of avoiding the urge to vent only creates more pressure.
As the leader your efforts end up looking like micro management, but each cosmetic application causes the cracks to grow deeper. Working to avoid the exposure puts us in the default position of procrastinate to avoid the shame of breaking down.
Driven by the fear of exposure our caution levels automatically shift into overdrive. At this point we put on the cap of the hero leader. But we then assume the worse and bring about our own demise through self-imposed penalties.
This level of hyper awareness cause us to judge other, both those above us and those subordinate. This judgement is framed by our perspective and not the actual reality of life. But were you aware that these judgements are always harsher than anything anyone else would naturally apply.
Can a leader cover up their flaws
The longer we avoid admitting to ourselves that we have flaws, the worse the situation becomes for our health. The truth is this, the more tenuous our decision making the worse our performance.
Life becomes harder when we avoid our flaws rather than addressing the course of our problem. We think super heroes don’t have flaws. At this point we have grown blind spots. However, when we are ready for change we can shift into high performance leadership.
Admitting that we are flawed, that we have not matured enough because we invest our time in running for cover. The best way to avoid the cover-up and permanently fill or bridge the gaps. To make this change we will need to access guidance from an external source.
When boredom rocks your confidence! I had to work hard to work out what boredom was really doing to me, but what a surprise when I arrived at the answer.
Have you ever experienced a time while working that nothing mattered? That nothing stimulated you to do the next thing with enthusiasm! This happened to me again recently, so I took time to look at what was going on with my emotions and thoughts.
To my surprise I found that I was bored. Why was I experiencing this feeling of boredom? What message was it concealing while overwhelming me with a feeling of desperation? What is the effect of boredom on motivation? Well my exploration turned up something very strange.
Boredom is one of the greatest distract for inactivity and avoidance of fulfilment
What is boredom anyway?
Strangely the boredom I felt was not about a lack of interest in my activity or circumstance, but a sense of sorrow. Going further I could see that the sorrow was based on a unresolved sense of failure, but failure about what? Once I could get still I didn’t have to search to far for the answer. You will not have to search far if you ever happen to experience something similar.
The work that I was engaged in had some how being playing with my psyche. What was in this work that triggered the deep seated sorrow? What I encountered rocked me. I was feeling unfulfilled! This feeling robs our confidence without reservation.
I was missing the mark of my higher calling by continuing to compromise and cruise and function from habit instead of serve from passion and knowledge of what I find fulfilling.
When emotional signals like boredom rise to our conscious mind, our confidence can be severely shaken if we cannot get in touch with the hidden message. When we do not, or cannot unravel its message we misinterpret their signal and to escape we read it as boredom. If we dig deeper with the same level of understanding we then interpret it as being a personal failure rather than regret due to a divergence from our purpose!
The boredom will not necessarily disappear because of our new found awareness, but your confidence will increase!
However, the boredom can be brought under our control as we set to getting back on track. We can take back our power and confidence to move with purpose towards our goal with the new understanding of the effect of boredom.
Are you ready to say enough is enough? Share your story of how you have overcome your shadows.
Have you seen posts with the following headings ‘why goal setting doesn’t work!’, ‘don’t set goals!’
They state that setting goals puts you too far into the future! That goals should only be used to measure the time it takes to feel successful. That goal setting would or could lead to disappointment. Instead of goals they suggest setting up systems, processes, habits.
So what goal setting be about?
If you set goals will you focus on that outcome to the exclusion of being present on the journey? Would you ever jump on a bus with me and be happy that I have a process but no goal? Would you be happy to take a journey without having a goal or destination? Ok, maybe not!
But is setting up a system, process or habit the way to change for success? Can a process give the same focus to want you want to achieve?
I listened to a few of these videos and podcasts and was astounded to hear the speakers saying that goal setting DOES work! They even went as far as to tell the listener that they used goal setting constantly to build their business, network or wealth. What confusion!
So, were these post titles just click bate?
Are titles designed to hook the minds of the desperate who are to fearful to permit themselves to have goals? Hooking people who will desperately surrender to the promised alchemy of persuasion that avoids commitment to their objective? Would such titles as ‘goal setting doesn’t work!’ encourage the meanders to drop the bone (that which they hold as a goal) for the shadow (the promise of a process, habit or system)? What is the purpose of a system or a process? Is it about the endpoint or about the heavy lifting needed to get there?
I found that most of these videos were trying to tell the listener to enjoy the journey, to be present at every moment of their experience, but now how to create or hold on to a goal.
Are these meaningless words?
To create change for success we need a vision of the outcome (goal) because without this we will perish. We need endurance which builds our stamina to push through motivational blockages and resilience to bounce back. Then when things get tough, when people and situations says ‘you’re not enough!’, ‘you can’t do it!’ and you have a goal, you are able to hold on to the possibilities it will bring.
The bottom line is we need the narrow focus of goal setting as this gives clarity to maintain the visions, and then apply the process or system. This forms the best route to success,
Have the confidence to know what you want. Set the goal and then put systems in place to support you in achieving it
Take personal responsibility for your goals. Hold on to the satisfaction that you will experience once the outcome is achieved. And run your race with patience, marking your progress along the way. #changeforsuccess
Start with an idea to imagine a goal then add a system to get there!
The other day I was tagged on a post about gratitude. The post asked for comments on what we are grateful for. Well, this post caused me to stop, to pause for thought… Does gratitude really improve our success? What is the likelihood that gratitude is the element that creates a significant swing away from failure? If gratitude is important how does it work its magic?
After much thought I came to the following conclusion about gratitude and how it improves our success…
… I came up with 3 stages – Thanksgiving, appreciation, then gratitude…
1. Thanksgiving clears the air so that we are clear on our goals. It is an ongoing process activated long before we see the outcome of our ambitions and goals. Here we can look back into past successes to count our blessings by reminding ourselves, one by one.
PS: did you know that this also builds confidence?
2. Appreciation acknowledges the giver of gifts and requests. It also frees the giver from obligation to deliver, and this permitting them to give above and beyond what you have asked or desired.
This is the process of receiving our request.
3. Gratitude is the act of acceptance!!. It is the emotional state we call joy. It is a sense of pure satisfaction and knowing that our desires are accomplished. Gratitude does not require us to look back to count our blessings. It is the knowledge that we are successful in our endeavours.
Gratitude is a state of presence!
What do you think? Have I said what you felt intuitively?
What does it take to achieve a goal? You must act with urgency to hit our goals, but wait patiently for our time to come! How can we do both? Why do both?
Patience means holding on to a vision of the outcome even when there appears to be no progress. Sometimes change is occurring, however, on the surface very little seems to be happening and this makes us feel uncomfortable and impatient. Impatience leads us to rash acts examine the things that we have done in an attempt to revise what do not seem to be working. Unfortunately, disturbing a well thought out and deliberately executed plan can cause great set back if not total stagnation.
So, what does it take to achieve a goal? Stop digging up what you have planted to see whether it is growing because you don’t see how you will achieve your goal without growth, and just keep nurturing your gift. I have seen individual talked down from their goals because they seemed lofty, but remember, Rome was not built in a day.
A tree has to first sprout roots, before it will shoot branches. We cannot run before we have learnt to walk.
So, what does is take to be patient?
Self-control which means resisting the urge to disturb the plans we have put into action, and resilience to flex with the changing tides that seem to bring a rough season where we had expected a great catch and then to talk ourselves down from impulsive acts. Ignore the comments that try to distract you from achieving your goals.
Why is it important to be patient?
Practicing patience does not equal wasting time. There are unseen activities that will eventually bring big harvest. People will try to get you to go for immediate gratification by comparing your results to theirs, but just hold on. The moral of the Hare and the Tortoise is that slow and steady, consistency is the are of patience. To be in the moment keeps us in flow. Be patient because amazing things happen. Breakthroughs occur above and beyond our expectations 😃
And, then...
Breakthroughs come with big moments of inspiration. Inspiration brings concepts never before imagined and this is when urgency is applied. This is the first step to achieve a goal.
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
How to achieve your goal through self control and patience
The route to success avoids fear and getting clear on your goal, however, the path is always presented as a simple set of steps, but is that all it takes?
Recently, I have learnt that understanding of the different stages is important because this is the only way to understand why we sometime stall, however, it appears that the thoughts that we entertain are equally as important if not the most significant trigger of a barrier or open flood gate.
Explore these steps below that focus on the mindset of success. This process starts at the bottom and each stage is built on the last. To ensure that this process works for you why not try it out for 60 days and monitor the results at 7 day milestones.
Become the servant
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Be fully persuaded in the value of your mission
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Face your fears, doubts and misgiving with full commitment to not give up until you learn what secrets they hold
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Sample and examine all the emotions that present themselves as you begin to implement
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Design the route that will get your clients from where you are to where they want to be.
What if there was a way to develop the type confidence needed to be a decisive leader? What would you do if you could use all of your existing pessimistic self-talk that constantly challenges your authority? Ok, you’ve heard this before, but how do you find out what would really get you to that massive breakthrough?
How would you know what offering would develop the skill you need to be that success leader? Who can you trust to turn around your mess into a message, turn it from running the internal sabotaging conversation to use the question ‘am I entitled to do this?’ to your advantage? If you can’t wait any longer in your current state then ask yourself, ‘is it worth my time to Get your ‘Hidden Confidence Code’ session?
How would it be if you could have clarity about questions that continues such as: ‘How do I get over my past?’ ‘I feel stupid!’ ‘What does it mean to be confident?’ ‘Why do I have this feeling all the time?’ ‘I have no self-esteem?’ ‘What is the point of trying when all I feel is anxiety, worry, panic or procrastination?’ ‘How can I stop feeling like a no-body?’ ‘Where can I find support to fill my knowledge gap?’
Barriers to strong confidence
As a woman of faith, identifying the barriers to your success is one of the biggest challenges to restoring your self-esteem. So where do you start?
When you are the one that everyone turns to solve their problems, when you are the one who takes the lead in an emergency or, who executes a plan when action is needed, the question of building self-esteem becomes more urgent. Perhaps you are the one who they all turn to when the impossible needs to be resolved! But you have a secret that steals your strength!
Leadership is easy when you feel confident and competent, but not everyone who becomes a leader gets there with all the necessary training intact.
You may have gained your skills because of necessity, and so jumping in to fill the gap has been a life-long habit. Most of the time you work from the back were no one can see you, however, you cannot remain hidden for long. Inevitably you end up stepping up to be the one who carries the responsibility and that fills you with fear, and it scars you, but why?
How does fear affect success?
When you first move into leadership, or an influential role there are some significant questions that arise. These questions create problems for those who have mainly experienced sever uncertainty and insecurity, but this creates unseen limitations. And, when limitations have formed the greater part of your experience, and are fed by a lack of confidence, your ability to be successful is sabotaged.
What is the route cause of this sabotage? Well, there are other unrealised questions that are only felt as fear. This question, which should lead to self-enquiry to produce confirming evidence, does not emerge. Instead this one leads to circular reasoning and further sabotaging self-talk. This self-talk breaks down self esteem, creates fear, instils a lack of confidence and reduces success?
‘What makes me think I can do this?’
Confidence is not just a smile on the outside, but a mind for success!
When fears moves through unheard questions, out of control, unfocused thinking brings more outrageous questions to produce unfounded statements which worsen that feeling of inadequacy. Such questions are as follows:
‘Everything feels so hopeless, how do I stop procrastinating!
‘How can I stop feeling like a no-body?’
‘I feel stupid!’
‘What is the point of trying when all I feel is anxiety, worry, panic?’
‘Why am I always so frightened, I have no self-esteem!’
‘What does it even mean to be confident?’
I know that this is not what you want to feel about yourself, but you are afraid to face those questions in case they are speaking the truth! This is how you begin to create your own glass ceilings, and its all because you have never known the truth of who you are! This is where you begin to tell yourself that you will never get that breakthrough, that you will never succeed. And worse, you have begun to believe the lie!
You know that it is important to change now because the challenge of shifting, the destructive thinking, and its long-term expression has negatively affected self-esteem.
Barriers that emerge out of misery!
That feeling of hopelessness that is the constant thought, ‘I can’t do this without someone telling what to do!’ ‘I’m not good enough!’ and ‘nobody cares!’ grows to become a barrier.
Unable to start results in procrastination borne out of homelessness.
However, despite the bundle of delusional thoughts you carry inside there is still a desire to push forward. Occasionally you will make deliberate efforts to push yourself to a feeling of relaxation rather than holding that anxious tension, but your efforts do not change things, the delusions still mount into balls of pain in your back, or head, arms, or legs.
Did you know that the way fear affects your success is through these delusional overwhelming thoughts that you hang on, saying things like, ‘I don’t matter!’ These need to stop! These thoughts are not supporting your intentions to become a more confident leader or influencer! These thoughts merely couple you to feelings that make life seem unfair and unjust.
Other barrier that increase the hurdles to success can lead to the dismantling of your faith. So, at what point do you face the fact that you are falling apart and will fall apart if you do nothing? You are supposed to be a woman of faith, you are meant to be that one who rises above the mountains of your pain! Why is then that this faith is not working to remove the pain, or increase your confidence?
When your feelings are given preference without thought to the mood they create, your behaviour will lead to unrestrained chaos. In chaos you will run away from facing the issues that seem determined to consume you.
Taking responsibility is scary, but running from it it will affect your confidence and scare you even more to destroy your weakened ambition. So, work with me to uncover a few things about these barriers. Let us explore together why fear creates a lack of confidence and affects your success?
How does lack of confidence affect you?
The result of chaos is to reinforce the feeling of failure. Failure then triggers uncertainty, fear of the future and hesitation. Uncertainty instigates insecurity leading to procrastination. Eventually the combination of these emotions produces more emotional pain that in the long run causes loss of control. Your health has becomes compromised!
Now if you are in leadership the initial question ‘how can I be a good leader and manager?’ is the one that challenges any remnant of your self esteem. With this question pounding in your mind you will feel your control ebbing, panic arising and anxiety leaving you displaced.
Whether leading in the workplace, operating as a volunteer, or as an influencer in an informal group, when the internal battle arises a lack of knowledge encourages feelings of guilt, shame, or fault.
The reason you cannot see the cause of your pain will be intrinsic to each individual’s earlier trauma. But, why? Unchecked feeling of powerlessness will cause anyone to isolate through fear and anxiety that is exaggerated beyond your threshold.
Feelings of inadequate, and its long-term expression will negatively affected your self-esteem. You know that it is important to change because the imminent crash and burn looms on the horizon.
Do you know experiences that cause you to struggle with the desire to build confidence comes down to the need for change, but instead because of fear it leads to denial? So, is your resistance destroying your future? That resistance can and will trigger behaviour that attracts experiences of harassment, discrimination, or victimisation.
Feeling the pain of your past very soon leads to burn-out, and that alone should be your signal to find help. If you do not act to clean up your pain your success will evade you!
How to fix a lack of confidence?
Think about it, if you cannot work things out on your own. Are you like most people who ask for opinions from people who are in the same mess how to fix your confidence? You see most people do not like uncertainty, so what do you do? What do you do then, do you avoid taking decisive action?
The pain of fear and the problem that a lack of confidence causes is now clearly known. So when you say, how do I fix my lack of confidence, you are generally saying, ‘how can I be bolder?’ ‘How can I feel more courageous?’ or ‘How do I get past my fear to release my confidence?’ ‘What does confidence even feel like?’
What are the benefits of coaching for confidence?
One of the big benefits to addressing the issue of rebuilding confidence is relief from the struggles you face in relationships. Did you know that research shows that 80% of people who are coached improve their self-confidence! But did you know that is only 5% of the population? Where do you stand? Other benefits also include; reduced struggle to control your finances, while any tasks or projects you plan are executed with confidence. But again, this is only a minority of the population.
The big bonus to fixing a lack of confidence is that your personal or company profile is restored. Your confidence allows you to be seen as a trusted source or resource. Ultimately you move towards success where you can begin to identify and overcome the barriers to your progress and performance.
Confidence can be genuinely improved without using fakery, or mimicry that will leak your secret anxiety. Confidence can chuck the ‘fake it till you make it’ strain.
The truth is, confidence must come from action lead by your faith, and coupled with the lesson hidden in your pain or childhood trauma you become a force to be reckoned with. Coaching helps you to stop the recycling of those triggers that are coded into your stress responses.
Can you imagine what it would feel like to be confident. What would it be like to not panic but be that inner peace? How would it be to feel your courage arising at your command? The question is how willing are you to do the work to develop this skill? Imagine what it would feel like to have people ask for your secrets, or to reveal the mystery to the confident, healthier, and more decisive you.
Let me state here that this is possible! There is hope to change the quality of your life without having to fake it! Being coached with me will allow us to decode the pain that prevents your growth.
We work together to get a crystal clear vision of the confident leader you want to be and restore the self-esteem that has been missing in your life.
Uncover the hidden challenges that are sabotaging your efforts to breaking through your emotional pain and the glass ceiling to your success.
At the end of this call you will leave the session energised, inspired and finally begin to work in your true excellence free from the fear that has stopped you from drawing on the code for success hidden in your emotions
Scheduling time for yourself is the best investment to make
Once you submit your request a schedule will be on its way to your inbox to select a date. You are now on your journey to the new you.
Life can get you down when you can’t figure out why it’s always you!
Things happen to us everyday
Do I have mug written on my forehead? Some days it just seems that we can’t get a break. Things just come into our lives as though they are in a race tumbling back over each other for attention.
So what is going on, why are we going through these trails?
I want friends but they only betray you! My rules, my game-plan cut out the pain of betrayal.
Why do we have these experiences?
If I told you that you were creating them, whether it is aware or not, you would say, ‘you’re crazy! why would I do that to myself?’ And that would be the best question you could ask, because right now every attempt you are making to be confident is failing miserably
So, is there a sign on your head that says ‘mug’, that advertises you to be a fool, and everyone can take advantage of you? Well, in a way the answer is yes!
You see, your pessimism is not just a conversation going on in your head. It is being interpreted by your body into an emotion every time you place your mind on that combination of thoughts. From that emotion you adopt an attitude which then impacts your body language and posture!
Bullies, narcissists and people with psychopathic tendancies are very good at reading this type of body language, in fact they are always scanning their environment for such people.
Now it isn’t your body language alone that its you away, the way to respond to enquiries, the way you spill your whole life when people ask, ‘how are you?’ the way you give your trust away and call someone best friend before you have even tested their character gives you away and puts you in greater risk of being hurt.
So, yes, you do have a sign that says ‘mug’ on your forehead.
When your head hangs low it is read as defeat!
‘But, if I don’t want to be hurt, why do I behave this way?’
The why to your behaviour lies in your past and the events that have being left unresolved. However, the questions, why me? what have I done? Why can’t I get what I want? are still running in the background leaving you in a state of confusion.
These thoughts are below your awareness. You cannot get to a resolution to respond with the answer that satisfies your needs for comfort, reassurance and acceptance. Not only that, but the fact that you cannot hear these thoughts leaves you in a state of unawareness. When the situation of your ignorance is pointed out to you, you reject it. It is difficult for you to accept that you were so defeat to your thoughts that it just cannot be true!
Is there a way to break the cycle?
There is a way to get enough momentum to be flung out of this cycle of pain. However, you or I have got to get to a point where ‘enough, is enough!’ this is a state where you are no longer pre pared to compromise or put up with the inconvenience of disturbing emotions being repeated over and over.
Working with a trained coach who understands the emotional repercussion of trauma is one of the best non invasive ways to both address the pain. With a coach you can gain the code to becoming successful hidden within so that you can move with greater confidence.
So, if you have that feeling that you have mug written on your forehead, now is the time to take action. Why not begin the work to break through the barriers that have held you back and escape for good? Read more on the impact on leadership in this post, ‘Is there a link of childhood abuse to adult trauma?‘
We work together to get a crystal clear vision of the pain that you need to escape past trauma to find happiness by taking the lessons from it to gain massive breakthrough so that you can move forward in life.
A critical friend is always there for you. We work together so you can get clarity and a future life of happiness
As a person in a leadership role you may be carrying unresolved trauma asking; ‘How can I escape the pain from my past hurt, escape past trauma, how can I find happiness?’ But, why are they asking this question? It is because of the handicap that trauma creates. Let us walk through this together.
Have you ever got to the point where the pain of past trauma just overwhelmed you? Or you felt was the silent scream wringing the tears from your heart? Worse you felt so paralysed from the agony caused by the trauma. All you can do right now is wish for someone to recognise what you are going through. To often you find yourself asking, ‘Why me?’
I want to scream! I want to escape my past!
How the past affects your present
For you the issue is how to get out of this state of constant anguish, but this barrier presupposes that breaking free of anxiety is beyond your control. The happiness you see others experiencing is a dream, but never an option. You know beyond all doubt that you would never be able to smile or experience the life you see them enjoying. So you constantly ask, ‘do they know something that I don’t know?‘
At work people have an expectation of you because they see a strong person who appears emotionally undisturbed. What they don’t know is how practiced you are at wearing the mask of resilience. Why can’t they appreciate that your perfectionism is the best tool you have for coping?
What can you lose if you don’t escape?
But you know the truth! You want people to understand how much you hurt. However, for people to understand your pain they would have to get close, that means exposure. You have a strong belief that your power base would crumble if people saw how raw and frayed you feel. How could anyone hold you in high regard if your vulnerabilities were exposed, where would you be?
Close friends are not an option for you. When you remember the pain from betrayal, you know that arms length is the best position for relationships. When it comes to controlling the way life impacts you hold the reins. Managing the livelihood of others give you an authority to makes or breaks your control of life. So, you keep a constant eye on the pain and suffering that you have gone through. You have rules to cut out rejection and the game-plan allows you to prevent betrayal.
I want friends but they only betray you! My rules, my game-plan cut out the pain of betrayal.
But, what you didn’t know was how you keep on attracting more pain. You didn’t know that where the heart goes, the focus follows. You didn’t know that your focus coupled with your strong emotions built up your belief that life is unjust, and that it reinforced the habit of a victim thus attracting more pain.
But why would the need to protect yourself bring more pain? It just doesn’t make sense!
How did you get here with all of this pain?
‘The fervent prayer of a man’, usually that would be a righteous man, but any strongly held emotion will act as the fuel to bring the next experience or event into reality. Here’s a truth that many have not yet recognised. What ever you focus on, or what your heart can conceive, and you believe, and you only believe what fits your world view, then you will give birth to that thing.
You create your life experiences! No, you say, I have being trying to escape the trauma and hurt that has blocked my happiness, but I just seem to be a target for more pain. I feel like I have a sign on my forehead, so the next person who hurts me is going to get it back.
So you want revenge! Then what happens is an experience occurs for your to work through the offence, but you do not recognise it. The one who originally hurt you, the one you want revenge on is not the one now offending you. So, you ignore it and swallow the hurt, but the desire for revenge remains. What happens next? Well, life gives you another chance to work through the experience to resolve the need for vengeance.
What leaks out as a result of carrying the truama!
Understand this, particularly if you lead or influence others. People around you may not read the reason for your behaviour accurately, but they will ready your emotional responses as undesirable and consequently reject you. People read behaviour according to their emotional responses or social desires.
Individuals around you will interpret your behaviour as negative or that of a looser. Now they may only see the perfectionist because they will believe they can never measure up to you. Indeed, what they will not do is say, ‘I look up to that person, I want to be like them!’ They will not say, ‘I want to be mentored by them, they make a great role model!’ ‘This person is like me!’ or ‘we have a lot in common!’
However, when you understand that the emotional seed you sow is the harvest of experience that you will reap you will begin to check your stores for healthy seeds. Emotional growth will occur and you will begin to understand how to escape the pain that creates constant emotional turmoil. You begin to make the changes from trauma to find happiness in a way that makes life comfortable.
To escape past trauma and find happiness takes work, sometimes you cannot do it alone. When you work with a coach who can help you achieve clarity, the pain may become prominent for a while, but when dissolved it brings great breakthrough. Why not begin the work to break through the barriers that have held you back and escape for good? Read more on the impact on leadership in this post, ‘ Can trauma in childhood affect our success?‘
We will work together to get a crystal clear vision of the pain that you need to escape. Past trauma you need to squash to find happiness and take the lessons from to gain massive breakthrough so that you can move forward in life.
A critical friend is always there for you. We work together so you can get clarity and a future life of happiness
